Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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