im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
