there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
