I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
