So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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