areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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