I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
A+ Viking dick
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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