How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
