Cold hands, warm shart.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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