have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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