jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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