My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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