You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
the gays at disneyland are vicious
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
