Nicole vs. Life
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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