Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
