haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
