I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
