You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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