I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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