he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
