the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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