remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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