If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
