if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
