So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is Oprah even human
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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