I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
