rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
