I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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