Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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