Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
