I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
