Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
