He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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