I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
