Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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