Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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