When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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