Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
