doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
