lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
