I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
