i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
