the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
