My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
