oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
