Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my sisters under your porch take her home
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
