I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
