when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So many bounce houses so little time
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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