I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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