What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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