I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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