I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
