his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
