some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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