how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize