So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
