You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
