Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
