you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sext me about skeletons
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
