I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
