maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
