see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
