I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
