if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
