i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just found puke in my bra..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
