From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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