Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
