maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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