I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
