Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
