so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
