I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
