he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
