My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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