Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
