Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
