just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
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