I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
