omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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