Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
