So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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