And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
