I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
