I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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