Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash

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(518): View more from New York

WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!

(315): View more from New York

... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...

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(330): View more from Ohio

She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off

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(713): View more from Texas

I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

(512): View more from Texas

babe, don't say it like that!

(713): View more from Texas

I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

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(614): View more from Ohio

i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.

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(360): View more from Washington

Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.

(360): View more from Washington

Welcome to Bellingham.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would

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