why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
