I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
