I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize